i tried to google image milhouse van houten’s backup glasses, but i couldn’t find them. so i went on hulu & searched for the episode he wears them, waited for the scene when he puts them on, paused it, & got a screenshot. why? because he & i think and look alike (my nickname is even melhouse van houten), & now it turns out we have the exact same glasses!
though, i should probably be using a sadface, not an exclamation point when i tell people how similar we are.
i’m not a nerd, bart. nerds are smart.
soul power.
- bart: well, if your soul's real where is it?
- milhouse: it's kinda in here. & when you sneeze, that's your soul trying to escape. saying "god bless you" crams it back in. & when you die, it squirms out & flies away!
- bart: uh huh. what if you die in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean?
- milhouse: oh, it can swim. it's even got wheels, in case you die in the desert & have to drive to the cemetery.
- bart: how can someone with glasses that thick be so stupid?
trust me, bart. it’s better you walk in on both parents than to walk in on just one.
*nobody* likes milhouse.
- lisa: i like you, milhouse, but not in that way. you're more like a little sister.
- milhouse: no, i'm not! why does everyone keep saying that?
- bart: we can say these swears any time we want because they're in the bible.
- milhouse: i don't think "leviticus" is a swear.
- bart: shut the hell up, you damn ass whore!
those cap city kids don’t think i’m cool anymore. we were having a sleepover & a robber came & wet my bed. then he folded the bed back into the couch & disappeared into the night.
everything you need to know about milhouse van houten:
age: ten
occupations: night watchman for bart’s factory. hall monitor.
favorite food: vaseline on toast.
favorite drink: soy milk. real milk could kill him.
pets: deceased fish which santa’s little helper ate.
greatest achievement: once bought a jacket with bazooka joe wrappers.
secret: his psychiatrist has noted various homosexual tendencies.
embarassing moment: was “missing” on a milk carton.
criminal record: bart once got his picture on america’s most wanted.
other stuff:
- can cook dinner.
- looks like the dud in the mystery date game.
- has a body odor problem.
- pathetic ice hockey goal keeper.
- was crippled by mr. burns to inspire a football team.
- was flattened at a spinal tap concert.
yeah, this is why he’s been my favorite simpsons character for 20 years. well, 19-&-a-half.
oh my god. i’ve become the world’s biggest baby. big boys don’t drink moo-moo from a baba. they drink moo-moo from a big boy cup.
