‘Ugh, I have to go. My little brother just sprayed himself in the face with Windex’

marcialsantos:

My sister (not Melissa) once had to end a phone conversation with those exact words because I had, in fact, sprayed myself in the face with Windex.  I could blame her for leaving it out near the television, but that would only work if I don’t mention the fact that I was twelve when it happened.

God, I was a moron

he also drank an entire bottle of penicillin once & accidentally killed his pet sea monkeys when he left them in the window sill. yet i’m the weirdo because i used to smell people’s seats when they got up & braid my leg hair.

Source: santoslittlehelper